Damn you Disney!

So we went to Disney on Ice last night. Let me first say that I went as a child and I have really fond memories of seeing Linda Fratianne skating next to Mickey and Minnie in her gold sequined dress, but beyond the adventure of seeing a live show I never really though much about it. As we sat in our seat I couldn't help but be moved by all the happy parents and kids. Before the show had even started I was caught up in the beauty of the experience, an experience that included all races and classes of people who's only common link was their devotion to their kids. And then the show started. Balloons and lights and singing and I was hooked. It was so theatrical, so special, and when Mickey and Minnie finally popped out of the giant box in the center, and the whole arena erupted in applause and cheers, I couldn't help myself, I cried. Yes, it is true, I cried at Disney on Ice.

I was just so moved by it all. The whole time I was watching I was thinking about how if we could all just see Disney on Ice there would be no war, no famine, no poverty. We could all hold hands and sing, and be happy. I thought about Walt, and if he had envisioned the peace on earth that could be had if we all embraced the Mouse. Of course I heard my brother's voice in my head saying that Disney was a soul-sucking corporate giant who feed on the innocence of children, but I was so able to dismiss that thought, as I watched the joy in my daughters' eyes as all the princesses skated around with their princes. I had worked myself up so high that it was a very hard fall when the last number came on.

It was presented as the best time of the year, a time when everyone is happy and joyous and we are all connected, and then they skated out the tree and the presents and a fire place with goofy falling in as Santa. I was so disappointed! I mean how can we all live happily ever after in a Disney world if only the Christians are allowed. That would mean pretty much 80% of the people I know would be left out. The Christmas theme snapped me back to reality and and it was with a heavier heart that I watched the finality.

This morning I woke up, and in-spite of the obvious insult to all my friends I was somehow back on board the Disney train. We listen to some Disney music on the way to school and we had a great morning. I dropped Sadie off at school, Charlotte and I did some chores, we went to the doctor's, and even though Charlotte got a shot, she didn't cry. I was again climbing that ridiculously high ladder of joy, and I started to think maybe if I just kept all the good things about Disney in my heart, then my dream of a perfect utopia could still exist.

We picked Sadie up at school and while I was talking to one of the teachers two boys had cornered Charlotte and were poking her with some wood chips. Now in my head it was a gang of boys and they were stabbing her with sharp shivs that they had whittled out of a giant oak tree, but I assure you my reaction at the time was more in-touch with the reality of the situation. I told the boys that wasn't nice, I talked with Sadie about speaking up for her sister, and I alerted the teachers to keep an eye out. But in my heart I had taken those boys and kicked them right out of my Disney dream and watched with joy as the crocodile from Peter Pan ate them up!

In the end, it turns out, I am no better than Disney on Ice. I too have tremendous room to love, but apparently it is with limits. Damn you Disney for reminding me that I am human, in a human world, surrounded by people not puppets and plushies; .......although considering that last part maybe I should be glad.

BSC=Beautiful, Secure, Confident

Today was the first day of the new job, teaching at BSC. I really spent no time worrying or wondering what things were going to be like or how I would do, because all my energy was spent thinking about my clothes. I got lost in the idea that I had to invent a new version of myself to put in front of the class; as if having the right sweater, shoe, purse combo, was going to be content enough to sustain me through the 100+ hours that I have to teach this semester.

How wrong I was. As I was driving to school with my Ed Hardy bag, my H&M retro sweater, my Banana Republic pants, and my Feragamo shoes I realize I should have spent more time on what I was going to teach today than on my outfit. Though I looked good, I felt awful! I was in a panic. I realized that it really didn't matter what I wore, the students would see right through my costume and realize that even if I took off my clothes I still was covered in MOM, and quickly they would come to see that I was not smart enough to teach them anything except how to play nice, eat broccoli, or change a diaper.

But the one thing I have learned as a mom is how to ask for help, so I called on my standard posse of positive supporters and of course true to form, they were all there to tell me that I was in fact smart enough, and that this was exactly where I was supposed to be. Several of them reminded me that I was born to act and teach and that even if I hadn't been doing it for a paycheck, I hadn't really left the career behind while doing my time in stay-at-home land.

With my renewed confidence I walked onto campus and into my building, only to find.......

no one. Not a single person in the building. The panic started to set in again, maybe I got the day wrong, maybe I was in the wrong building, maybe this was all a cruel joke. I wandered around and after climbing many stairs I found the classroom where seated inside was Wendy, my first student, and looking more nervous than I. We talked and I found out that she was petrified about speaking in public, and she was very worried about being the oldest person in class( this was Wendy's first day back at school to finish her degree after a 20 year absence).

And so I kicked it into gear. I don't know if it was the mom in me, the teacher, or the actor, probably all three, but I do know that I was in the right place, at the right time, and that it worked. I felt secure and confident , not to mention beautiful, and I think Wendy left feeling the same.