Is this the beginning or the end?

Here it is 4:52 am and I have been up all night. I can't sleep because in about 3 hours I am putting my first born on a school bus for her first day of Kindergarden. There are so many emotions floating around inside of me and as I muse on each one I can't help but think how remarkable a thing it is to watch your child grow.

I am so happy and excited for all the adventures and growth in Sadie's future. This summer she has really changed from my little girl into a kid. She is so sweet and funny and fascinated by her surroundings, I know that she will flourish in school and I am so jazzed to experience this wonderfully delicious time with her.

But I am sad thinking about the baby that she will never be again. She is sleeping in my bed right now, and I can't help but think how many more nights do we have where she wants to crawl into bed with us to seek comfort.

And I am nervous worrying about the environment that she is about to enter that is so much bigger and beyond my control. What if she hears a bad word, sees someone being unkind, learns an offensive saying, or gets teased? What if she cries or gets sick at school and I am not there?

There are so many emotions, so many thoughts. I keep thinking back to the beginning, when I was sick during my pregnancy, I had no idea who Sadie was and I kept wondering how I was ever going to love this baby that was causing so much difficulty. Knowing her after just a few days the question became how could I not love her. But just like that transition, from pregnant to parent, I know that this too will exceed anything that I could imagine.

So it is the end; end of the baby, end of the preschooler, and end of mom and dad being the center of the universe. But it is also the beginning......