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It's here!

I didn’t sleep well. 

All these memories and thoughts keep flooding my brain and I feel like there is no way my brain or my heart can hold them any longer; so I write. 

I keep thinking about your first year of life when I would sit with you in the rocking chair nursing you in an attempt to get back to sleep. I still can feel the weight of you in my arms, I can still vividly see the curve of your face when it was in profile nursing, I can still see your gorgeous saucer eyes, and perfect lips that would crack into a smile, reflecting back my own smile at you. For a long time, we were the center of each other’s world and we enjoyed a sublime peace. We were blessed. 

Our blessings continued when your sibling was born. We both thought the change to our dynamic would be a loss, but we both quickly found it was a gain. You gained a loyal and devoted best friend and I gained another pure being who taught me what a blessing it is to be alive. 

Truly, our lives have been perfect. Yes, there have been difficulties and sadness and there have been bad days and weeks, but always there has been us, and I have always felt that there was nothing in this world that our family could not do as long as we stayed together. 

My whole childhood, with every birthday, with each eyelash, and every shooting star, I always wished to belong to a happy family. To my core I held onto the belief that someday my wish would come true. I knew that if it wasn’t going to happen in my childhood, then I wanted to hurry up and grow-up so I could create it for myself. Believe me when I say that your dad, you, and your sibling are exactly what I wished for. So what happens now? 

During the time that you got really sick and you were in the hospital, I changed my wish. Though your sibling would say that I can’t tell what it is because it won’t come true, I believe that the more I think it, say it and believe it, the more it happens. My wish since that time has been for you and your sibling to have health and happiness. Wishing works, and I promise I will never stop wishing this for you. 

I have felt so lucky that my wishes have come true that I have never wanted to tempt fate by asking for more. Don’t get me wrong, I bargain all the time and do trade-offs; like, hey universe, I am willing to struggle with employment but in exchange I expect that in November’s election, which is the first time you will get to vote for president, we elect a woman. Bargains yes, but wishes, no. 

I don’t know what your future holds, other than you will be healthy and you will be happy; the rest of your future and what you wish for it are up to you. But I do know this; you are my child, you are a dream come true, you are a bright beacon of hope and light in this world, and just by being alive you have made this world a better place. Though physically we are not going to be sleeping under the same roof, or even the same zip code, our bond is unbreakable, and my love for you is unconditional and limitless.