A lot of people have been checking in with me knowing that we are about to have this momentous event in our lives. Every time I am asked, I think I am honest about how I am feeling. If it is a moment that I am struggling, I admit it, and if it is a moment when I am feeling excited about the future, I share.
I had two people say to me today that they appreciated that I spoke about this journey, as not a lot of people talk about how much they feel like this is a tremendous loss which should be grieved. I know what they mean and I am glad for the compliment, but when I heard that today I wondered if I am really being totally truthful.
I read an article recently about how mothers and their children are tightly bonded because cells from one another’s body are transferred in utero and stored in one another’s brains. There are so many times when I can rationalize what is about to happen, and I truly know that everything is okay, but my body still behaves as though it is in trauma mode. The idea that you are not just a part of me because we are a family but in fact it is because an actual physical piece of you is still residing in me, makes a lot of sense. Thinking that this upset is a biological response and that I am programed to feel this way, makes it so much easier to understand why this is so overwhelming. Now if someone can just send me the article that explains how grieving the passage of time, especially when it comes to your children is good for your health, then I think I will be able to go back to things feeling okay.
1 comment:
I wish I could say that grieving over the passage of time of your children AND grandchildren is good for your health but alas I cannot. However the fact that some of us grieve so much, and with such depth, tells us that we have and do love so deeply and in a way not all can understand. I find comfort in knowing that there are others, like yourself who truly know the depth of my grief and sense of loss over the growth of those I hold dear.
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